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If you act defensively, you will not be able to benefit from constructive criticism. Don't be sarcastic or hostile toward the other person. Remember that the other person is criticizing you so that you can better yourself and your relationship with him.

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Once the person opens up to you, you can begin to open yourself up to him. You have his attention, and he is interested in you. Once you feel comfortable in his presence, tell him your strongest attributes are, the ones that will appeal to him most. If you get a positive response, you have successfully sold yourself to him. At this point, you can feel free to further develop your new friendship. If the person is unresponsive, it may be that you sound pompous and boastful to him. In this case, you should lower your volume a bit and sound as humble and sincere as possible.


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Accusing a person of being defensive can be damaging. Don't say things like,

Worlds like "never" and "always" tend to put people on the defensive when they're used to describe their behaviors. The word "always" gives people the impression that their faults are constantly noticed and more obvious than they actually are. "Usually" or "sometimes" are better words for describing people's Behaviors and shouldn't put them on the defensive. The word "Never" is often used in place of "seldom." There is a big difference between "seldom" and "never," and people will often resent the word "never" when it is used to describe their behaviors. People will always react less defensively to the words "usually" and "seldom."


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When others have helped you accomplish something, share the credit with them, even if their contributions were not as great as yours. You will be surprised how generously people react toward you when you share credit with them.

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Everybody wants approval and recognition for what they have accomplished. If someone helps you in any way, tell him how much you appreciate his actions. Actions a person performs for you may not be repeated if you don't show appreciation. Here are some examples of how you can best state your appreciation for others: "I really appreciate the way you..."; "Thank you very much for..."; "You are very good at...", "I want to tell you how much it means to me that you..."; "You were very nice to..."; etc. Don't overdo your show of gratitude or you may seem insincere.

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There is nothing wrong with caring about and looking out for yourself as long as you don't become entirely preoccupied with it. People resent selfishness in others. Try to make your concern for others more noticeable than your concern for yourself. People will recognize and admire your generosity. Make sure others know you look out for them as well as yourself.

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Putting a person down can be very damaging to your relationship with that person. People feel degraded when called stupid, crazy, weird, etc. Don't put people down, even if they are not present. If you do, the word will get back to them, and you will look bad. Always talk about people positively. If you don't like someone, don't say anything about him. You will be amazed at the social advantage this gives you.

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The best time criticize someone is right after the unfavorable act is committed. If you are unable to correct a person's actions as they are committed, do so later when you're alone with that person and you can discuss the situation openly.